25Jul

8 High-Impact Leadership Traits Anyone Can Master

Great leadership isn’t born overnight—it’s cultivated through deliberate practice, reflection, and continuous development. Whether you’re a seasoned executive, an emerging leader, or someone striving to improve your leadership abilities, the traits of high-impact leadership can be developed by anyone willing to invest time and effort. These traits serve as the foundation for creating environments where teams thrive, cultures flourish, and organisations succeed.

At Developing Leaders, we believe that leadership is a lifelong journey, one that involves personal growth, adaptability, and resilience.

To help guide you on this journey, we’ve outlined 8 high-impact leadership traits that anyone who is committed to becoming a more effective leader can master. 

1. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ)

Why It Matters:

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. It encompasses empathy, self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, and social skills—critical components for any leader. A leader with high EQ can manage conflict more effectively, build trust, and foster a collaborative environment.

How to Master It:

To build emotional intelligence, start by becoming more self-aware. Pay attention to your emotional reactions in various situations and consider how they influence your decision-making. Practice empathy by actively listening to your team members and trying to understand their perspectives. Developing these habits will help you create stronger connections with others and lead more effectively.

2. ADAPTABILITY

Why It Matters:

The ability to adapt is crucial in today’s fast-paced and ever-changing business environment. Whether it’s dealing with unforeseen challenges, technological advancements, or shifts in market trends, a leader must be flexible and open to change. Adaptable leaders are able to pivot quickly, leading their teams through periods of uncertainty with confidence and resilience.

How to Master It:

To develop adaptability, cultivate a growth mindset. Embrace challenges as opportunities for learning rather than obstacles. Be open to feedback, and allow yourself the flexibility to change course when necessary. Encourage your team to adopt a similar mindset, helping them navigate changes with positivity and productivity.

3. DECISION-MAKING PROWESS

Why It Matters:

Effective decision-making is a hallmark of strong leadership. Great leaders know when to make tough decisions, how to weigh options, and when to act with conviction. Strong decision-making instills confidence in your team and drives the organisation forward, even when facing ambiguity or high pressure.

How to Master It:

To improve your decision-making, practice taking a step back to assess all available information before making a choice. Learn to trust your intuition while also considering data and feedback. Engage with your team for input and involve them in the decision-making process when appropriate. This collaborative approach will ensure you are making well-informed, strategic decisions.

4. PURPOSEFUL COMMUNICATION

Why It Matters:

Clear, concise, and transparent communication is one of the most important skills a leader can possess. Whether delivering feedback, aligning teams toward a shared vision, or navigating difficult conversations, communication is the bridge that connects leaders to their teams and stakeholders. Strong communicators inspire trust, reduce confusion, and ensure everyone is aligned.

How to Master It:

Focus on both listening and speaking effectively. Mastering active listening allows you to understand the concerns and ideas of others before responding. Be clear and concise when conveying your own messages. And don’t forget non-verbal communication—your body language, tone, and expressions can convey as much as your words.

Leadership training
Strong communicators inspire trust, reduce confusion, and ensure everyone is aligned.
5. VISIONARY THINKING

Why It Matters:

Leadership without vision is like a ship without a rudder. Visionary leaders inspire their teams by setting a clear direction, explaining the “why” behind their goals, and encouraging innovation and creativity. A compelling vision provides purpose and motivation, helping teams work toward a common objective with passion and commitment.

How to Master It:

To enhance your visionary thinking, spend time reflecting on your organisation’s long-term goals and the broader industry trends. Develop a strategic plan that aligns with the company’s mission while leaving room for innovation and creativity. Engage your team in the vision-building process and make sure they understand how their individual contributions play a role in the broader picture.

6. ACCOUNTABILITY AND INTEGRITY

Why It Matters:

Accountability and integrity are the cornerstones of trust. As a leader, setting an example by holding yourself accountable and adhering to ethical standards sends a powerful message to your team. Leaders who demonstrate integrity gain the respect of their teams, build strong relationships, and create a culture of honesty and transparency.

How to Master It:

Lead by example—be honest in your dealings and take responsibility for both successes and failures. Make it clear that your team is expected to follow suit. Establish systems of accountability that promote ownership of responsibilities at every level. When mistakes occur, address them promptly, learn from them, and demonstrate a commitment to continuous improvement.

7. EMPOWERMENT AND DELEGATION

Why It Matters:

A great leader knows that their success depends on the success of their team. By empowering your team members, you give them the autonomy and resources they need to succeed. Effective delegation allows you to focus on higher-level tasks while helping your team members grow, take ownership, and feel valued.

How to Master It:

Trust your team with important tasks and give them the space to take initiative. Delegate responsibilities based on individual strengths and areas for growth. Provide guidance and support when needed, but resist the urge to micromanage. When your team succeeds, celebrate their achievements and give them credit for their contributions.

Effective delegation allows you to focus on higher-level tasks while helping your team members grow, take ownership, and feel valued.
8. RESILIENCE AND GRIT

Why It Matters:

Leaders inevitably face setbacks and challenges. Resilience and grit allow leaders to persevere in the face of adversity, maintaining focus and determination. These traits help leaders remain optimistic and proactive during tough times, motivating their teams to push forward toward their goals.

How to Master It:

Build resilience by developing mental toughness through mindfulness and stress-management techniques. Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth and learn to bounce back from setbacks. Stay focused on your long-term goals and encourage your team to stay the course, even when obstacles arise. Cultivating a sense of purpose will help you and your team navigate challenges with determination.

 


MASTERING LEADERSHIP TRAITS FOR PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL GROWTH

Leadership is not about a title or position—it’s about action, influence, and the ability to inspire others. These 8 high-impact leadership traits—emotional intelligence, adaptability, decision-making prowess, purposeful communication , visionary thinking, accountability, empowerment, and resilience—are not innate qualities. They can be cultivated and honed by anyone willing to commit to their own growth and development. By focusing on these traits, you can become the kind of leader who drives meaningful change, creates high-performing teams, and leads with confidence and purpose. As you continue to develop as a leader, remember that it’s a journey of continuous learning. Embrace the process, seek feedback, and reflect on your progress. With dedication and effort, these traits can become second nature, making you the kind of leader who inspires greatness in others and leaves a lasting impact on your organisation.

If you don’t trust me yet, watch Simon Sinek’s take on “How do we Actually Build Trust in Teams” here!

 

At Developing Leaders, we are committed to helping you build these

traits through personalised coaching, leadership programs,

and actionable strategies. If you’re ready to take your leadership to

the next level, book a free introductory appointment with Michael here!

27Jun

The Leader’s Guide to Building and Rebuilding Trust with Teams

The Leader’s Guide to Building and Rebuilding Trust within Teams

Trust is the foundation of effective leadership. Without it,

communication breaks down, collaboration suffers, and team morale

plummets. Whether you’re leading a small business, a team, or an

organisation, establishing and maintaining trust is essential for

long-term success. But what happens when trust is lost, and how can it

be rebuilt? In this article, we’ll explore the critical role trust plays

in leadership and offer strategies for both building and repairing it.

 

 Why Trust is Crucial For Leadership

Trust isn’t just a “nice-to-have” trait for leaders—it’s a

non-negotiable. According to research, teams with high trust are more

engaged, productive, and open to feedback, making trust a cornerstone of

organisational success. Trust also allows leaders to delegate

effectively, knowing that their team members can make decisions and take

action autonomously. Leaders who demonstrate trustworthiness inspire loyalty, reduce

turnover, and create a culture of transparency and mutual respect. At

Developing Leaders, we focus on helping leaders understand the role

trust plays in their ability to influence and guide their teams toward

success.

 

HOW TO BUILD TRUST AS A LEADER

Building trust is a gradual process, but the effort is well worth it.

Here are key strategies that leaders can use to establish trust within

their teams:

1. LEAD BY EXAMPLE

Leaders who model the behaviours they want to see in their teams build

credibility and trust. When your actions align with your words, you show

integrity. Consistently demonstrating honesty, transparency, and

accountability sets the tone for the entire team. As a leader, if you

hold yourself to high ethical standards, your team will be more likely

to follow suit.

Leading by example also means owning up to your mistakes and showing

vulnerability. When leaders admit errors and demonstrate how to learn

from them, it strengthens their relationship with the team and fosters

an environment where others feel safe to do the same.

2. COMMUNICATE TRANSPARENTLY

Open communication is the bedrock of trust. When leaders share

information transparently, they avoid confusion and minimise the risk of

rumours and misunderstandings. Regularly communicating not only the goals

and expectations of the team but also any challenges or changes helps to

create an atmosphere of trust.

It’s also crucial to listen actively. Leaders who take the time to

understand their team’s perspectives and show empathy build deeper

relationships. By genuinely listening and responding thoughtfully,

leaders demonstrate that they value the input of their team members.

3. EMPOWER YOUR TEAM

Trust is built when leaders demonstrate confidence in their team

members. Empowering others to take initiative, make decisions, and lead

projects shows that you believe in their capabilities. Micromanaging, on

the other hand, erodes trust by implying that you don’t trust your

team’s judgment.

Encourage your team to take ownership of their work, and support them

with guidance and resources. When your team members feel trusted to

perform their roles, they’re more likely to trust you in return.

4. PROVIDE CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK

Trust also grows through consistent and constructive feedback. A leader

who provides regular, specific, and actionable feedback shows that they

care about their team’s development and success. Feedback should be both

positive and constructive, recognising achievements while offering

guidance for improvement.

Creating a feedback-rich environment fosters trust because it signals to

the team that their performance is valued and that there’s always room

for growth.

5. BE CONSISTENT

Trust thrives on consistency. A leader who is unpredictable or

inconsistent in their decisions, behaviour, or communication undermines

the sense of trust in the team. Leaders should strive to be reliable,

making decisions that align with the organisation’s values and

principles. By being consistent in both words and actions, leaders

create stability and predictability, which are key to building trust

over time.

 

REBUILDING TRUST AFTER IT’S BEEN BROKEN

While building trust is an ongoing process, it can be shattered quickly.

Whether it’s due to poor communication, a broken promise, or unethical

behaviour, regaining lost trust can be challenging. However, it’s not

impossible. If you’ve lost the trust of your team, here are steps you

can take to rebuild it:

1. ACKNOWLEDGE THE ISSUE

The first step in rebuilding trust is to acknowledge what went wrong.

Ignoring or minimising the issue only deepens the breach. Be transparent

and honest about the situation, and take full responsibility for any

mistakes. When you own up to your actions, it shows humility and

integrity, which are critical in the trust-rebuilding process.

2. APOLOGIZE SINCERELY

A heartfelt apology goes a long way in mending damaged relationships.

Apologising doesn’t just mean saying “I’m sorry” but also

explaining what happened, acknowledging the hurt caused, and expressing

a commitment to doing better moving forward. Your apology should be

specific, empathetic, and focused on the impact your actions had on the

team.

3. TAKE ACTION TO MAKE AMENDS

Words alone are not enough to rebuild trust—leaders must take concrete

steps to make amends and show they’re committed to change. If there

was a breakdown in communication, implement new practices to ensure

transparency. If trust was broken due to unethical behaviour, demonstrate

a commitment to higher ethical standards. By taking decisive actions,

you show that you’re serious about restoring trust and learning from

past mistakes.

4. DEMONSTRATE CONSISTENCY OVER TIME

Rebuilding trust takes time, and consistency is essential during this

process. Consistently follow through on your promises, be reliable, and

maintain the standards of behaviour that you expect from your team. Over

time, your actions will help rebuild confidence, but it’s crucial to

show that the change is not temporary but a permanent shift.

5. SEEK FEEDBACK AND OPEN DIALOGUE

Encourage your team to share their concerns and feelings. This may be

uncomfortable, but it’s necessary for healing. By creating a safe

space for feedback, you demonstrate openness to improvement and allow

team members to feel heard. Actively seek feedback and use it to guide

your actions as you work toward rebuilding trust.

 

TRUST AS A LEADERSHIP CORNERSTONE

Trust is not just the foundation of effective leadership—it’s the

glue that holds teams together, fuels collaboration, and drives

performance. Leaders who prioritise building and maintaining trust will

see stronger team dynamics, increased productivity, and greater employee

engagement. Whether you’re just starting to build trust or working to

rebuild it after a breach, the steps outlined above can help you

navigate these challenges and lead your team to success.

At Developing Leaders we provide Executive Coaching and

 Leadership Development Programs designed to help leaders cultivate trust, foster

collaboration, and develop the skills to lead with integrity. Through

our personalised coaching and real-world strategies, we support leaders

in building stronger, more effective teams.

 

For more insights into leadership, trust-building, and team dynamics,

explore our resources at Developing Leaders. Alternatively, you can watch this Youtube video summarising one of our Workshops – High Performing Teams Workshop

06Jun

Tough Talks: 6 Steps for Confident Management

Confidently Navigate Difficult Conversations by Using the IDRIFT Method.

6 Practical Steps for Managers

Difficult conversations are an inevitable part of leadership, whether addressing performance issues, personal conflicts, or sensitive workplace topics. As a leader, your ability to navigate these discussions with confidence and empathy can have a profound impact on team dynamics, morale, and overall productivity. The key to handling tough conversations lies not only in what you say but also in how you approach them.

At Developing Leaders, we focus on empowering leaders to manage difficult conversations effectively, turning challenging moments into opportunities for growth and improved communication. One powerful tool for navigating these conversations is the IDRIFT model, a framework that helps leaders prepare for and engage in difficult discussions with clarity, respect, and a focus on solutions. Let’s explore how this model works and break down the six steps you can follow to tackle difficult conversations.

Step 1: INTENTION – Define the Purpose of the Conversation

Before engaging in any difficult conversation, it’s essential to clarify your intention. What do you hope to achieve from this conversation? Whether you’re providing feedback, addressing a conflict, or discussing performance, having a clear understanding of your goal will guide the conversation and help you stay focused on the desired outcome.

The IDRIFT model emphasises starting with the intention to foster understanding, build trust, or resolve an issue. When you have a clear purpose, you’re less likely to get sidetracked by emotions or misunderstandings. Be honest with yourself about your goals, and ensure they align with creating a positive impact on the individual and the team.

 

Step 2: DIAGNOSIS – Understand the Issue Thoroughly

Before initiating the conversation, take time to diagnose the situation :

  • What are the root causes of the issue at hand?
  • Is it a performance concern, a misunderstanding, or a behavioural problem?

Gathering facts and understanding both sides of the situation will help you approach the conversation with clarity and ensure you don’t make assumptions. As a leader, it’s essential to be objective and base the conversation on observable facts, not emotions. The IDRIFT model encourages leaders to separate the issue from personal feelings, ensuring that the conversation remains professional, constructive, and solution-oriented.

 

Step 3: RESPECT – Approach the Conversation with Empathy

Respect is at the core of any effective leadership conversation, especially when emotions are running high. The IDRIFT model stresses the importance of approaching sensitive topics with empathy and understanding. When people feel respected, they are more likely to listen openly and engage constructively in the conversation. Even if the discussion is uncomfortable, treating the other person with dignity helps prevent the conversation from becoming adversarial.

Respect also means actively listening to their perspective, acknowledging their feelings, and responding thoughtfully.

This level of respect fosters a safe space for open dialogue, making it easier to reach a resolution.

 

Step 4: INFORMATION – Share Your Perspective Clearly

Once you’ve created a foundation of respect, it’s time to share your perspective. The IDRIFT model suggests that leaders communicate their message clearly and directly while providing necessary information.

  • Use “I” statements to express how the issue affects you or the team, rather than placing blame or making accusatory remarks.

For example, instead of saying “You’re always late to meetings,” you might say, “I’ve noticed that there have been a few instances where meetings have started late, and it affects the team’s productivity.

This approach is less confrontational and focuses on the facts, making it easier for the other person to receive your feedback.

 

Step 5: FEELINGS – Acknowledge Emotions

Difficult conversations often stir strong emotions, and it’s important to acknowledge these feelings to keep the discussion productive. The IDRIFT model highlights the need to be aware of both your own emotions and those of the other person.

  • Addressing emotions upfront helps prevent them from derailing the conversation later on.

Acknowledging emotions doesn’t mean allowing them to take over the conversation, but rather recognising them as valid and important. By giving the other person the space to express their feelings, you demonstrate empathy and create an atmosphere of mutual respect. For instance, you could say,

“I understand this may be frustrating for you, and I want to make sure we’re both heard in this conversation.”

Step 6: TIME – Choose the Right Moment for the Conversation

Timing can make all the difference in how a difficult conversation unfolds. The IDRIFT model underscores the importance of choosing the right moment to have the conversation, ensuring that both parties are mentally prepared and that the environment is conducive to a productive discussion.

Avoid initiating difficult conversations during moments of high stress or when the person is distracted or emotionally charged. Ideally, choose a private setting where you can both focus without interruptions.

  • By selecting the right time and place, you increase the chances of a positive outcome.

 

NAVIGATING DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WITH CONFIDENCE

Handling difficult conversations is an essential leadership skill, and with the right preparation, leaders can turn these moments into opportunities for growth and stronger team dynamics.

The IDRIFT model offers a structured approach that ensures clarity, empathy, and respect throughout the conversation.

By focusing on

  • Intention
  • Diagnosis
  • Respect,
  • Information
  • Feelings
  • Timing,

Leaders can tackle even the most challenging discussions with Confidence.

For leaders looking to strengthen their communication skills, Developing Leaders offers practical workshops and coaching to support your development in managing difficult conversations. With the right tools and mindset, you can transform these uncomfortable moments into meaningful opportunities for positive change and stronger leadership.

 

For more resources on handling difficult conversations, visit  Developing Leaders and explore our programs designed to help you communicate effectively and lead with confidence. Or watch this Youtube video from Michael highlighting the importance of Leadership Coaching in today’s climate – Why would you Complete Leadership Training?

 

 

23Feb

Having A Difficult Conversation? Leave Your Emotions Behind

Difficult conversations – crucial conversations – important conversations – whatever you call them, most people struggle with having them. According to one report, managers cited having a difficult conversation as the biggest challenge they face in their roles. Add to that that nearly 69% of managers are uncomfortable communicating with employees and 37% said they were uncomfortable giving direct feedback, and we have an environment in the modern workplace where people struggle with providing clear and open feedback – which makes conversations, and particularly having a difficult conversation – difficult.

So how did it become this way?

Were you taught how to have a difficult conversation at school? At home? Neither was I. Like discussion on politics, religion and sex, how to have difficult conversations wasn’t discussed at the dinner table or in polite conversations. In fact, the focus on ‘polite conversations’ probably steered most of us away from getting comfortable with difficult conversations!

So why do most difficult conversations go bad?

In short, most difficult conversations go bad because they are led by emotions. Emotions are an important part of a difficult conversations, but when they are the lead and the focus of the conversation, they are almost always doomed to fail. Why? Because most people suck as responding to other peoples emotions.

Emotions! Emotions hit like a tidal wave, and they are so overwhelming that it is difficult to see the message / the meaning / the problem that is being defined underneath them. Leading with emotions shuts down most people’s ability to actually hear the message underneath.

Emotions are powerful – and because of this they are often used as a weapon, in the moment, to bludgeon the other person into submission.

Don’t get me wrong – emotions are incredibly important in difficult conversations – some would say the most important part – but if you lead with them you may as well kiss the rest of the conversation goodbye.

Because they are so powerful, and they can catch us by surprise – both for the person saying them and the person receiving them – that they are often met with fight – or an equal and opposite set of emotions.

Fight Or Flight

The standard responses to an ‘emotions first’ approach to difficult conversations are 1. Fight, 2. Or, and 3. Flight

  1. Fight– a person leads with emotions in a difficult conversation, and you response quickly and harshly with your own emotions. Two people on the attack, not only speaking their feelings but being right ‘in’ them at the same time (What does that mean? Talking about being angry when you are also really angry). Fight responses result in very short, explosive conversations that drive a relationship backwards rather than forwards.
  2. Flight – a person leads with emotions in a difficult conversation, and the other person is overwhelmed by what they hear, can’t deal with them and walks away. The originator doesn’t feel heard or validated, and the receiver feels ambushed and set upon. Safety is the first thought of the receiver, and they retreat and escape from having to deal with the emotions expressed. Again, not productive.
  3. Or – the third response – the stunned silence. A person leads a difficult conversation with emotions and the receiver stands mute in silence. Surprised by what they have heard, struggling with their own response and not sure whether to accept or respond, the receiver stands in mute silence. For the originator, it feels like the person has paid no attention, doesn’t care or hasn’t responded. For the receiver, they may have all of the fight / flight thoughts in their head, but don’t know which way to proceed – and do nothing.

If emotions shot conversations down – how do you express them?

In our Difficult Conversations and Emerging Leaders Programs, we strongly recommend people to break down the difficult conversation into component parts.

In addition, we suggest that people instigating a difficult conversation actually ‘inoculate’ the receiver for what is coming, so that they can reduce the fight or flight response.

What is an inoculation?

It is creating the start point for a future conversation, so that people are prepared for what may come. It includes a request for a conversation, an indication on what the topic is about and an indication whether it is going to be a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ conversation.

Ie. ‘James – can we have a discussion later this afternoon about the report you submitted yesterday. There are some things I wasn’t happy with that I would like to discuss with you’. In this simple example, James knows – in advance – that he is going (if he accepts to the time) too have a conversation about a report (specific detail) and how someone felt about it (not happy). James knows both the topic and the feeling going into the conversation in advance, and can prepare for it. He might have a response ready – and he is less likely to fight or flight respond. Note -that doesn’t mean that he won’t – it just means he is less likely to. Inoculating the respondent for a conversation is one of the easiest way to make a difficult conversation more palatable.

So what about emotions?

To give the emotions you feel about an issue their rightful place, we don’t discuss them at the start. We include them as part of a set of perspectives, details, opinions and requests that all form part of a difficult / crucial / important conversation.

The DRIFT Model – a Template for Leading a Difficult Conversation

This process follows our IDRIFT model, where IDRIFT stands for:

  • Inoculation – Prepare the person for the conversation
  • Define – Explain the issue with facts and data
  • Repercussions – What have been the repercussions (impacts) of the issue
  • Intention – Why are you having the conversation (information? Fix something?)
  • Feelings – How do you feel about the issue? (not how you feel about the other person)
  • Timelines – what would you like to happen and when?

Following an IDRIFT model for difficult conversations not only means the person is more likely to hear what you have to say, you are more likely to get what you want / need from the conversation. Emotions have an important place in the conversation, but they aren’t the start point, nor are they the driving force of the conversation. If you want to be more successful at having difficult conversations, you need to think beyond your emotions and look at the whole conversation.

_____________________________________________________________________

Do you struggle with difficult conversations?

Developing Leaders includes difficult conversation training in the Emerging Leaders Program, Executive Leadership Program, Leadership Essentials Program and the Performance Management Essentials and Leading Difficult Conversations workshops. The latter includes not only training in the IDRIFT principles, but multiple opportunities to practise and refine your skills in having your won difficult conversations.

_____________________________________________________________________

Michael Peiniger is the owner and lead facilitator at Developing Leaders, focussed on developing people to become the leaders that others choose to follow. A leadership and high-performance teams expert, Michael is a highly sought after speaker, trainer and executive leadership coach who is focussed on developing leadership skills and behaviours through a practical, results driven approach. Michael can be contacted for enquiries or bookings on +61409627270 or leader@developingleaders.com.au or via his website www.developingleaders.com.au

23Mar

Developing Leaders? Provide Clear and Regular Feedback

Are you developing leaders and leadership in your business? If you are, the 3 Leadership Behaviours in greatest need to develop leaders right now are:

  • Feedback!
  • Feedback!!
  • Feedback!!!

Clear, concise, authentic, easy to understand feedback on what you are doing well, and what needs to improve / be more efficient / more effective.

Not the big earth shattering stuff that scares the pants off leaders to plan and think about (or involve HR with)

The small stuff that teams do that make your life easier or harder when they are repeated.

People shy away from telling people what is working and being done well, just as much as they hide from discussing what isn’t being done well.

It is almost like leaders have forgotten how to be human – how to indicate that we are happy with the job our team is doing for us.

Feedback Tips for Developing Leaders

1. Team members don’t like to fly blind.

2. Team members don’t like guessing at what they should and shouldn’t do.

3. Praising an action / behaviour makes it more likely that it will happen again.

4. Saying nothing about a behaviour doesn’t mean a team member won’t do an action / behaviour again – it just makes them nervous / hesitant / inefficient and guessing. Only saring what you don’t like or want changed makes it more likely to not be done again.

These are the basics in leading – and guiding – a team.

And right now they aren’t being done very well.

Stop having your team fly blind and provide the feedback they need to perform well.

#leadership #leaders #people #feedbackculture

Looking to Develop Your Leaders?

Developing feedback skills is just one of the many skills and behaviours that we assist leaders in developing in our Executive Leadership Coaching, Emerging Leaders and Executive Leadership Programs. Contact us to find out how you can develop your feedback skills to provide greater clarity and understanding for your team.

12Jul

Leaders Treat Others How They Would Like To Be Treated

Leaders Treat Others How They Would Like To Be Treated. Some old adages don’t serve leaders and teams very well – and ‘treat others how you would like to be treated’ is definitely one of them.

While I am sure the intentions were good – is there a lazier, more biased, self-serving way of existing?

Treating others how you want to be treated assumes that your way of behaving and existing is the only way – the right way – and that other ways aren’t really worth listening to.

In a multicultural nation like Australian where more than 50% have a family member who was born overseas, assuming one way to be treated is a bit naive.

Teaching leaders to think beyond themselves, their perspectives and their opinions is a simple yet crucial aspect to Executive Leadership Coaching, Emerging Leaders Programs as well as Executive Leadership Programs. We can all get caught up in focussing on our way of doing things and assuming that it is the ‘right’ way to do things.

Leaders Listen and Seek To Understand Other Views

How about seeking to listen, seeking to understand, seeking to adapt – and treating people / teams / staff the way that they want to be treated?

You want to have a meeting at 8am on a Monday morning because it sets you up for the day and you want to know what is going on in your business. What does your team want? 8am? Every week?

Needs, wants and expectations.

Weekly or fortnightly one-on-one meeting with your team member gets bumped because ‘something more important came up’? This is one where either adage applies.

When leaders take a moment to see how they can meet everyone’s expectations and not just their own, a whole bunch of things start to change. Trust. Empathy. Compassion. Truth. Responsibility.

‘How would your team like to be treated?’

RELATED ARTICLES ON LEADERSHIP

How Important Are Values To Your Leadership & Business?

What Is Executive Leadership Coaching?

True Leaders Make Everybody Feel Like a Somebody

How Important Are Personal Values To Your Leadership?

#business #team #people #developingleaders #IMLD #executivecoachingmelbourne #executivecoach #executivecoaching #leadershipcoach #leadershipcoaching

07Dec

Getting The Balance Right With Difficult Conversations

Getting the balance right with difficult conversations can take some effort. Confession time: Sometimes my explanations are nowhere near as good as the explanations of the leaders and managers I am working with.
That was the case yesterday.


The Emerging Leaders Program Workshop 8 was all about overcoming FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) in having a difficult conversation and not be overly empathetic to our team. The NICE acronym (Nothing In Me Cares Enough – To Pull You Up) was used / created, and I thought I had made a beautiful link between the feeling of uncomfortableness you experience in an aircraft varying pitch with the uncomfortableness of having a difficult conversation.


Then the truth bomb in the image was shared by one of the leaders I was working with.


If the FEAR and uncomfortableness of a conversation outweighs the benefits of having it, then it won’t happen. ? Simple yet highly effective!


So as leaders, we can increased our chances of having a meaningful, difficult conversation in two ways:


? Increase you thoughts on the perceived benefits of having the conversation (the benefit for the person, for you, for the business, for the team), and / or


? Decrease the fear and trepidation of having the conversation (it is real or imagined?, can you practise saying it with others)


A huge thank you to the leaders and Managers of the Emerging Leaders Program at Summer Foundation Ltd (in particular Alecia Rathbone and Joanne E Mear for the opportunity) – it has been a pleasure working and sharing with you this year – and really looking forward to the next workshops in 2022!
P.S. Great thought Nicholas K. – I hope the image did it justice.


#developingleaders #emergingleaders #difficultconversations #IMLD

Related Articles:

Do You Avoid Difficult Conversations?

Leaders Push Through The Discomfort Of Difficult Conversations

Related Programs

Looking to develop the skills of your leadership team? Consider one of the following IMLD leadership programs:

Emerging Leaders Program

Executive Leadership Program

28Jul

Leading Difficult Conversations Is A Critical Skill For Leaders

When you need to have difficult conversations with someone, do you plan what you will say or do you wing it? Leading difficult conversations takes preparation and effort, it takes something even more to successfully navigate all of the permutations that a difficult conversation can include.
It was a pleasure to once again work with some of the leaders and managers of LyondellBasell Australia to work through how to lead and manage difficult conversations. As part of Workshop 7, participants had to prepare for a difficult conversation and then deliver it to the facilitator – with others listening, observing and providing constructive feedback. Daunting for some, extending comfort zones for many, and providing some amazing examples of how to raise difficult issues with team members with a balance of accountability, compassion and empathy.
No one really likes roleplays, but with solid content, clear outcomes and participants willing to treat activities as if they were live in the workplace, the learning (both from doing it yourself and from listening and observing others) is extraordinary.
It is a pleasure to work with leaders and managers that are willing to challenge themselves and learn from each other like this group do. Thank you also to the Dark Knight for making an appearance!

Leading Difficult Conversations Takes Practise

Leading Difficult Conversations is one of the newer units in the IMLD’s Diploma of Leadership & Management, a partnership with The College For Adult Learning.
Combining online learning with group facilitation and experiential roleplays, this workshop is all about practical skills for preparing and delivering difficult conversations with skill, accountability, empathy and compassion.
Well done to the team at LyondellBasell Victoria – this is not an easy Diploma unit and you delivered like stars. ⭐️⭐️⭐️
#leadership #leadershipdevelopment #coaching #Diploma #IMLD #developingleaders

Need to Work on Your Ability in Leading Difficult Conversations?

At IMLD, being able to prepare, deliver and respond in difficult conversations is one of our specialities. It is a key skill for any leader or manager, and many people in positions of authority within a business (leader, manager, supervisor) struggle to deliver them effectively, or ignore them completely. We have several ways in which you can improve your ability to have a difficult conversation:

05Jul

What does it take to build trust in your team?

What does it take to build trust in your team? Have you ever thought about what it takes to build trust with you? 🤔What does it take to break your trust? 🤔 Importantly, from both a personal, leadership and team perspective – what does it take to rebuild your trust?

I agree with Simon Sinek – a team can be defined as a group of people who trust each other.

But what does it take to build trust?

What experiences need to be shared or what values / behaviours need to be agreed upon – to build that trust?

Many leaders assume that trust happens over time – and it can – but assuming it will happen is foolhardy. The other obvious problem with relying on trust taking time to build is – it takes time. It takes significantly less time to break trust – what has been earnt over years could be broken in a minute, with disasterous consequences for the individuals, the team and often the business.

So why do we speak about trust so much when it comes to team? 🤔

Because without trust, teams take longer to achieve things, often wasting their own and the businesses resources. In fact, without trust, small teams can work against each other for their own benefit but not for the common good. Individuals can work for their own benefit but not for the benefit of the team or business.

Why is building trust so hard?

Because everyone does not have the same trust tolerance or trust breaking points – if we did, trust would be simple to create and build. What one person may tolerate may be a ‘deal breaker’ for another when it comes to trust. When people come from different backgrounds, family experiences, work experiences, cultures, ethnicities and ages – we can’t assume that we all build and break trust in the same way.

Think about the friends, family, co-workers and team members that you trust. There is most likely a common understanding – a common set of values or behaviours that you have either consciously or unconsciously agreed upon. There will be a ‘right’ and a ‘wrong’ to certain behaviours – the ‘way we do it around here’. There will be common values that you share, and there will be ‘a line’ that should not be crossed without expected consequences.

If you want to build the type of team that Simon Sinek talks about – the ones that trust each other – then a starting point to get there is to have a discussion around what builds and breaks your trust. And it is more than honesty or not lying (a usual default answer).

Can trust be rebuilt with you?

A discussion on what it takes to rebuild trust is just (sometimes more) important than what it takes to build and break trust. Why? Because everyone makes mistakes. The question then is whether you will be judged for years for your actions or will you be forgiven and trusted again? In my experience, many small breaches started with someone not meeting someone else’s expectations – and they either didn’t know it or didn’t do anything about it. This includes the person who didn’t do what was expected apologising or correcting the mistake, and the person receiving not saying anything and holding a grudge. Such a simple action (which often happen daily in businesses) can result in a breach of trust that can last years between two team members. In fact, sometimes a lack of trust can last so long that the people involved can’t even remember what caused the lack of trust in the first place!

Whilst examples like that above ma seem trivial, they can prevent teams from performing efficiently and effectively. A lack of trust between just two members of a team can impact an entire teams performance. In fact, often when people talk about ‘a poor culture’ or a ‘bad culture’ within teams, it can often be based in a lack of trust between team members, or a lack of trust between the team and their leader / manager / supervisor.

Where to start with trust?

If you don’t know how to start a conversation like this, or would like someone to facilitate this conversation as part of developing your high performing team, you know who to call.

#leadership #leadershipdevelopment #coaching #culture #trustbuilding #trust #IMLD #developingleaders

13May

Leadership Insights: When Did You Last Give Your Best?

When did you last give your best? When was the last time you gave ‘your best’ at something? I mean, your very best? What impact does this have on your leadership and the leadership of your team?
10 years ago (I know!) I posted an article following the video clip below regarding your best.  In the video, the coach pushes his player, and encourages him to go beyond what he thought was possible, inspiring not only himself but the rest of the team.
It got me thinking about two things:

🔹 When was the last time you forced the best out of yourself?
🔹 When was the last time that you asked for the ‘very best’ out of your team members?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sUKoKQlEC4

Have we forgotten to ask for the best and will accept ‘OK’, ‘near enough’ and ‘a pretty good effort’?
When I was truthful with myself and looked at the last couple of weeks, I can say that I have accepted good and perhaps even above average, but I haven’t given my best (in my opinion) very often recently. Others may not have noticed and rated performances as good and very good (which is pleasing!), the effort, preparation and execution have not been my best.

Consider your team at present.

🔹 Are they giving you their best effort? If not, have you asked for it?

🔹 What can you different today to give your best?

🔹 Have you forgotten to ask for the best and will accept ‘OK’?

🔹 Is ‘near enough’ and ‘a pretty good effort’ good enough for you right now?

When I thought about what I had achieved in the last couple of weeks (and when I was truthful with myself), I can say that I have accepted good and perhaps even above average, but I haven’t given my best (in my opinion) very often recently. In my facilitation and interactions with team members, ‘my best’ was delivered on some very specific occasions. While other people have rated performances as good and very good (which is pleasing!), the effort, preparation and execution have not been ‘my best’.

Consider your team at present. Are they giving you their best effort? If not, have you asked for it?

[This next part os from the original post 10 years ago, but I can still remember it like it was yesterday]

I was reminded on the weekend about good and best efforts from a 10-year old soccer team. I was fortunate to coach the team in the absence of their regular coach, and I asked them the question ‘Are you going to give me your best?’ Needless to say I didn’t get the reaction I hoped for until I elaborated. I told them very clearly what I thought their best effort would look like, how they would play and how they would treat each other on the pitch. I also told them, one by one, what their individual best effort would look like. I them asked for permission to tell them when they were playing their best, and advise them when they weren’t.

It was one of the most exciting games of soccer I have seen. The boys on that team gave their best effort, beating a two-year undefeated side 3-1 (after losing 3 months ago 6-2).

I would love to say the win was based on superior coaching and tactical skill, but that would be very far from the truth! The boys played so well because they were asked to give their best, and their efforts were recognised and reinforced. All I had to do was ask for it and gain permission to tell them if they were / weren’t delivering it.

🔹 When was the last time you asked for the best from your team?

🔹 Equally, when was the last time you did the best you could for your team? What is holding you back?

Ask for the best – you might be surprised by the results.

What can you different today to give your best?
#leadership #success #coaching #leadershipdevelopment #motivation #highperformanceteams #IMLD #developingleaders

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04May

Effective Feedback Follows SMART Principles

Great leaders know the importance of providing feedback, yet many leaders and managers deliver it poorly, if at all. Effective Feedback follows SMART principles – the concept used for goal setting. Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-Based feedback can make all the difference. ‘Nice job’, ‘Good work’, ‘Well done’ sound great on the surface, but the sentiment is short lived because of delivery shortfalls. Equally, ‘That wasn’t good enough’, ‘you could do better’ or ‘pick up your act’ to improve performance equally fall flat because of poor delivery.

Why is this important? Because if you are taking the time to say something to your team, you want it to be as effective, targeted and long lasting as possible. Consider the acronym for goal setting – SMART – for your feedback as well.

🔹 Specific. Be specific! One of the greatest differences that leaders can make to their feedback is to be more specific. What exactly did you like or dislike? What behaviour? You liked the report I submitted – was it the accuracy, the format, the execution you liked, or was it the fact that it was delivered on time? If leaders aren’t specific regarding what they like and don’t like, the chances of the same behaviour being repeated reduce.

🔹 Measurable. What tangible impact did it have? How did it make your life easier / harder? What result did it produce? In short, why did you like it or dislike it so much? Again, if the person receiving the feedback understands the impact that their behaviour had, they are more likely to repeat it (for good behaviour) or less likely to repeat it (for improved behaviour).

🔹 Attainable. Could the goal actually be achieved? This is incredibly important for constructive feedback – if the result wasn’t achieved – could it actually be achieved. There is nothing worse that providing constructive feedback to someone only to find that the chances or success were low to begin with due to time, resources, team etc.

🔹 Relevant. Make sure the feedback matches the behaviour ie. don’t raise irrelevant behaviour or ‘tack on’ something else while you have the chance. This is often done both with positive as well as constructive feedback. A chance was missed previously to mention something good to your team member, so why not tack it on here as well? Unless you are mentioning it to reinforce your positive point, it will fall flat. It is even less effective with negative / constructive feedback. The predominant question in the mind of the receiver is ‘why didn’t you tell me that before?’

🔹 Time-Based. Providing feedback on behaviour a week ago is wasted time and effort. Provide it swiftly, and provide it SMART.

Is your feedback SMART?

Related Articles and Videos

Successful Leaders Don’t Avoid Difficult Conversations, They Embrace Them

Leadership 101: Looking to Avoid Difficult Conversations? Have Smaller Ones

26Mar

How Scott Morrison Is Failing The Personal Leadership Test

Scott Morrison, Prime Minister of Australia, is failing the personal leadership test. This not only impacts his personal standing as a leader, but has profound impacts on all of his constituents.

‘A leader should not take credit when things go right if they are not willing to accept responsibility when things go wrong’

Simon Sinek

My last Air Force post had the motto ‘Accept Responsibility’. It meant a lot to me then and framed how I tried to behave as an Officer and teach others, and it has framed my leadership business models, coaching, training and workshops at Institute of Management & Leadership Development.

Good leaders stay in the ‘positive’ against the acronym of the AIR/BLEEDS personal leadership model. They:

🔹 Hold to ACCOUNT

🔹 Create positive INTENTION

🔹 Accept RESPONSIBILITY

and they avoid as much as possible

❌ BLAMING others for their actions

❌ Being to LENIENT on poor behaviour

❌ EXONERATING and hiding from accountability

❌ Make EXCUSES for poor performance

❌ DEFEND or DEFLECT poor decisions

❌ Stay in SHAME rather than take action.

Personal leadership isn’t about perfection – it is about making conscious decisions that accepts responsibility for yourself, your team and your business.

Personal Leadership - The AIR/BLEEDS Model

How Does Scott Morrison Rate Against This Personal Leadership / Efficiency Model?

Using the AIR/BLEEDS model, we look at the overall net + or – score. There are twice as many negative traits to assess as there are positive; which matches out belief that negative behaviour has a longer and more profound effect on personal leadership and impact on others that positive scores. Displaying positive personal leadership behaviours is important, yet they can be derailed and overshadowed by negative personal leadership behaviours.

With AIR components, we look for scores as high as possible out of 10.

Hold to ACCOUNT

Score +2/10

Despite a myriad of Ministers making large mistakes, whether it is in regards to dealing with rape allegations in Parliament House, rorting of the the public purse (‘Sports rorts), posting fake documents, not reading briefs on alleged harassment or rape allegations, not a single Minister (to date) has lost their office or been removed from office. As Leigh Sales asked the Treasure Josh Frydenberg on the 7.30 Report ‘How good does it feel to be a Minister in the Morrison Government knowing that no matter what questions arise over your conduct you job’s safe?’ This score would have been 0/10 if not for the recent sacking of staff for masturbating in a Ministers office (can you believe that is actually a sentence in 2021?). Scott Morrison’s accountability bar has been set very low.

Create positive INTENTION

Score +5/10

The PM has a strong ability to create positive intention, as seen in his many press conferences on vaccine rollout, the state of the economy and announcements of aid for bushfires and flood. Significantly impacting this score is the ability to over promise and under deliver. The vaccine rollout is significantly behind target, the economy was in recession before the pandemic and the emergency relief fund has not spent a cent. Great intention, poor delivery.

Accept RESPONSIBILITY

Score +2/10

Accepting responsibility is the hallmark of a leader. They take less than their fair share of the credit and more than their fair share of the blame. The PM has struggled to state clearly his responsibility. While firmly stating in recent interviews that he is the Prime Minister, holidaying in Hawaii during the bushfires hurt him and statements like ‘I don’t hold a hose’ exemplify a lack of responsibility.

OVERALL AIR SCORE: 9

With BLEEDS components, we look for scores as low as possible out of 10.

BLAMING others for their actions

Score -3/10

With the exception of blaming the Opposition for many current failings (which is standard operating procedure for both sides of political divide), Scott Morrison doesn’t often blame others for his failings. He quite often fails to recognise his part in what has taken place, but blaming others cedes its place to other BLEEDS components.

Being too LENIENT on poor behaviour

Score -9/10

This is one of Scott Morrison’s greatest personal leadership weaknesses. In any other Government in the last 25 years, at least 3 Ministers would have been stood aside for poor behaviour or inability to deliver in their role. Whether it is due to a slim 1 seat majority or an ability to hold to account, the PM is incredibly lenient on poor behaviour.

EXONERATING and hiding from accountability

Score -9/10

It can be hard for others to hold you to account when you don’t acknowledge (or seek information) to look for wrong doing. In one sense, backing your staff is an incredibly good leadership trait. On the other, claiming the innocence of your staff without conducting any investigation and demonstrating a clear intent to ignore or disregard mounting evidence otherwise shows a clear desire to exonerate staff from consequences for their actions. While being too lenient on his staff and Ministers will have a negative impact, I believe the ability to exonerate and avoid scrutiny altogether will have a longer lasting negative impact on the PM if not addressed.

Make EXCUSES for poor performance

Score -6/10

While Leniency and Exoneration or Deflection have much greater scores, the PM’s ability to make excuses are present, but not often mentioned. Often, the excuses are convenient or fit a timeline. The pandemic was used as an excuse for the Australia’s economic recessions (despite happening before March 2020) and the floods have impacted the vaccine rollout 9despite being behind before flooding). While excuses are present, they are not the greatest failing of personal leadership from the PM.

DEFEND or DEFLECT poor decisions

Score -9/10

Not reading briefs on alleged rape allegations, not questions his own staff on their behaviour on backgrounding Brittany Higgens family for more than 3 weeks and the much used statement ‘I don’t agree with the premise of the question’ have become clear evidence of avoiding scrutiny and seeking to bury difficult questions. Add to that the obfuscation regarding investigations and a desire to believe his staff without looking into claims of negative behaviour, and you have a significant personal leadership problem.

Stay in SHAME rather than take action

Score -2/10

This is the hardest score to assess from a distance – and I have no personal contact with the PM. Many others have commented on whether the PM feels empathy for those that have been on the receiving end of his or his Government Ministers poor behaviour, or whether it is political posturing. A key will be what tangible action is taken moving forward. Reviews, briefs and reports provide recommendations – how many of those that are willingly adopted will also impact on Scott Morrison’s personal leadership score.

BLEEDS SCORE: -38

OVERALL AIR/BLEEDS SCORE:-29

An overall AIR/BLEEDS score of -29 is incredibly poor for personal leadership. To improve this score, Scott Morrison needs to be seen to hold his Ministers behaviour to account and set a clear set of Ministerial standards that are adhered to going forward, as well as addressing poor historical behaviour. In addition, deflecting and dismissing questions and responding in ways that are anything other than clear and easy to understand (ie. not using weasel words and clever language to avoid answers) will continue to have a negative effect on personal leadership.

Related IMLD Articles

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16Mar

Poor Leadership Creates Toxic Work Environments

Toxic environments are created by poor leadership. Toxic environments, toxic cultures – they flourish when leadership chooses to ignore a problem person or issue, and hopes that it will go away or ‘sort itself out’. Toxic cultures and workplaces start with ‘drift’ – the difference between what is expected in behaviour and performance, and what is delivered.


We expect our leaders to have a clear idea on what the direction is – and what behaviours are necessary to meet that direction. When we move away from that path, or drift, a correction is needed – often through a conversation. Ignore the requirement for the conversation and the behaviour is thought to be accepted, and drifts further from what is required.Let these conversations go often enough, and you end up with a big problem that everyone can see, but no one has done anything about.
This is how toxic cultures begin.

We discuss the difference between positive and toxic cultures in the Executive Leadership Program as well as in Executive Leadership Coaching.


Toxic cultures start, and can end, with clear communication, clear standards and clear leadership.

Related Articles on Poor Leadership

Negative Culture Equals Negative Leadership

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10Mar

Successful Leaders Don’t Avoid Difficult Conversations, They Embrace Them

Successful leaders don’t avoid difficult conversations, they embrace them as opportunities. (and Yes, they are still uncomfortable)

How to have a difficult conversation at work

Difficult conversations — whether you are telling an underperforming an team member that they need to do to improve on something, or advising your boss of a missed deadline — are part and parcel of being a leader, manager or supervisor. What is the best way to prepare for this type of conversation? What should you say (or not say)? How do you find the right words in the moment and be able to respond in an appropriate way if the person doesn’t agree or acknowledge what you have raised? And, how can you manage the ‘back and forth’ of the conversation so that it goes smoothly and you get the outcome you want?

Being in conflict can feel uncomfortable for a large number of reasons; fear, lack of a clear outcome, lack of practice, getting carried away with emotions etc.

It is very easy to not deal with little things such as misunderstandings, slights, and miscommunications, resulting in relationships ‘drifting’ from where you would like them to be. If these little things are addressed, the difficulty in raising them can be small, along with the repercussions. If these misunderstandings are allowed to fester, as well as be added to through further conflict, these issues can become much bigger – and the consequences can be harder to address.

No leader likes having difficult conversations – but successful leaders understand the necessity (for themselves, the business and the team member) and they push through the difficulty to have them anyway.

DRIFT Conversations – A Template For Difficult Conversations

Preparing a DRIFT conversation is a simple way of stating what you would like in a conflict situation with another person without making personal attacks and judgements on the other person’s character. It is a way of stating what is required and what is needed, and bring things more in alignment.

DRIFT describes the difference between where we would like a relationship / discussion to be, and where we have ended up – we have ‘drifted’ away from what we want. A DRIFT conversation is a way of assertively bringing the relationship ‘back on track’ through a planned and thoughtful conversation.

D – Describe / Define

Describe the situation and the circumstances that have made you want to have a discussion. The focus on the description should be facts, facts and facts. Describe what has happened in data only with information that cannot be disputed.

One of the biggest mistakes people make in having a difficult discussion is in ‘judging’ a behaviour rather than describing it.

Right:

‘On three separate occasions this week you have been more than 30 minutes late to work’

Wrong:

‘It is really unprofessional how you have turned up late to work this week’

Judgements from the person raising a difficult conversation push the person receiving the conversation into ‘fight or flight’ mode. The person will either push back on what you have said, argue or nitpick the small points of what you say. Conversely, the person will shut down, agree with everything or not listen to what you have raised. Either response ensures that the difficult conversation will not hit its mark.

One thing you can do to reduce the need for DRIFT conversations is be very clear with the people around you regarding what you like and what do you don’t. For help establishing this, have a look at the article ‘Is Your Team Flying Blind to Your Expectations?’ and download the Team Expectations Checklist.

R – Results / Repercussions

Stephen Covey in ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ says that we should begin ‘with the end in mind’. The same applies with a difficult conversation – what is it you want to achieve by having the conversation? What is the resulting behaviour you would like to take place? What will be the repercussions if things change or stay the same? When you think of the repercussions or consequences, consider the following:

What will happen if the person doesn’t change their behaviour? What will you do? How you will react? What future measures will you put in place?

What will happen if the person does change their behaviour? What will you say? How will you reinforce the behaviour further?

Knowing the negative and / or positive consequences can provide motivation to change a behaviour or pattern of behaviour

I – Inoculation

In 1796, Dr Edward Jenner discovered how to inoculate children against the the disease smallpox. The premise was to use a small amount of the dead virus and inject it into the patient, providing the body an opportunity to develop antibodies and fight the disease. When the patient would next be exposed to smallpox, they already had the means within the body to fight the disease.

We seek to do the same for people we want to have a difficult conversation with. ‘Inoculating’ a person for difficult conversation provides them with the time and space to be able to process the conversation that will take place, reducing the usual ‘fight of flight’ response.

Inoculating someone for a conversation affords them the respect of having time to adjust to the conversation and prepare for what will take place. The inoculation also allow you, the person initiating the conversation, time to think regarding how you would like to approach the situation.

Right:

‘I would like to talk with you regarding arrival at work this week. Can we discuss it 10am?’

‘There were some details in the report you wrote that I am not happy with and needs improvement. Can we discuss them after lunch?’

Wrong:

‘It is really unprofessional how you have turned up late to work this week’

‘You really could have done a better job on that report. We need to talk about it’

Keys components of a good inoculation:

  • It isn’t personal and does not attack them
  • It gives a brief outline of the conversation to take place
  • It matches the feeling you have on the topic
  • It provides the person with the opportunity to agree and respond

F – Feeling

How do you feel about the situation you are raising?

Describing the emotion that you feel is a critical part of the difficult conversation process. They say that ‘No one has the power to take away how you feel’ and one it comes to difficult conversations, it couldn’t be more true. It is important to discuss how you feel about the issue to wish to raise, not how you feel about the person you are speaking to. This distinction can make all the difference when having the conversation.

Right:

Describe how you feel about the issue and its impact

Wrong:

Describe how you feel about the person and pass judgement on them

Being clear on how you feel makes it easier for the person receiving the information to understand its impact on you, and makes them more likely to adjust their behaviour. That said, a large number of people struggle to work out how they actually feel on an issue. Are you  anxious, annoyed, embarrassed, overwhelmed, hurt, worried or resentful? Are you happy, relieved, elated or excited?

While it might take some effort to reflect and consider how the situation makes you feel, it makes all of the difference. Whether you know it or not, your body language, tone and demeanour is going to reflect how you feel, and clearly stating it will have all of your communication (verbal and non-verbal) reflect it. Saying you feel one thing (or saying nothing at all), when your body language reflects something else leaves the person you are speaking to confused or worse, lied to.

Timing & Specifics

This is the part of the difficult conversation where you discuss what it is you would like to change in the future. Many people that have a difficult conversation don’t provide the clarity of what they want or what they would like to change, leaving it up to the person receiving the information to work it out for themselves. This rarely provides the solution that you want. Be clear on what you would like and when you would like it to happen.

How do you want the situation to change?

How do you want the behaviour to be altered or changed?

What do you want the person to start doing or stop doing?

What standard do you expect the behaviour to be at in the future?

How often do you want it to happen in the future?

Being explicitly clear about what you want to happen in the future is important to getting what you want to happen in the future. It might sound simple, but if you can’t describe what you want to change in the future, how will the person you are speaking to know what you want?

DRIFT Plan not DRIFT Script

Writing a DRIFT plan provides you with the opportunity to clarify your thoughts, get specific with your emotions and provide people with feedback that can make a difference. Remember – it is a plan, not a script. A conversation is a two-way thing, and you have only prepared and thought out one side of the conversation. At each stage of the DRIFT conversation, there is an opportunity to ask questions, clarify and discuss from both parties.

The DRIFT Plan is about know your key points – it isn’t a carefully worded script that must be delivered line by line. The person you are talking to doesn’t ‘know their lines’, making a carefully written script useless. In addition, delivering a full script to someone without interruption is now a statement (or an accusation), not a discussion.

Practice and Reflect Difficult Conversations

Like most activities, the more you have difficult conversations, the better you get at them. It is much easier to start with the small drifts and deviations from what you want, rather than tackling a large performance management issue that has been avoided for years. Don’t avoid the big, important conversations – but remember to walk before you run.

When you have the ability to provide effective constructive and positive feedback, you have the ability to ensure the people around you can perform at their best – a key function of any leader.

Looking for Help to Prepare, Plan, Deliver or Practice a Difficult Conversation?

Our ‘Difficult Conversations in the Workplace’ workshop is the place to start! If it is in a more formal setting you need need, check out the ‘Performance Management Essentials‘ workshop. Both workshops provide the knowledge, guidance, expertise, tips, tricks and practice to have a difficult conversation made easier.

Related Articles On Difficult Conversations

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08Feb

Leaders Push Through The Discomfort Of Difficult Conversations

Do your leaders shy away from having difficult conversations or hard conversations because they make them uncomfortable? What is the impact on you (and on the person you are avoiding) by letting this discomfort rule their behaviour?

No one likes difficult conversations. Good leaders understand the importance of them and the need to keep themselves, their team and their business on track – which sometimes involves a difficult conversation. Every person can ‘drift’ away from what is needed, and an open, clear and honest conversation regarding expectations and meeting them is often required.

Many leaders find these conversations uncomfortable – for themselves or for the other person – and so let the behaviour ‘drift’. The behaviour repeats, gets worse – so does the size of the conversation – so does the avoidance of the issue. Sound familiar?

Good leaders don’t like difficult conversations, but they accept the necessity of them and don’t shy away from their responsibility to have them.

#difficultconversations#leadership#coaching#managers#IMLD#developingleaders

https://www.linkedin.com/company/institutemanagementleadershipdevelopment/?viewAsMember=true

The Way Forward

If you struggle with difficult conversations but understand the importance of having them (for you and for your team members), it might be time to get in touch with an expert who can guide you through. Our Executive Coaches with extensively with leaders, managers and small business owners looking to improve their (and their teams) behaviour, with one aspect being how to prepare for a deliver a difficult conversation. Another way to perform better in difficult conversations is to attend one of our highly rated workshops:

Performance Management Essentials – for having difficult conversations within a structured or formal setting, or

Difficult Conversations In The Workplace for practical tips, solutions and practice

Related IMLD Posts and Articles:

Does Any Leader Like Having Difficult Conversations

Looking To Avoid Big, Difficult Conversations? Have More Small Ones

Only Practice Builds Confidence With Difficult Conversations

How to Have a Difficult Conversation at Work

30Jun

Does Any Leader Like Having Difficult Conversations?

Does anyone actually like having difficult conversations? We surveyed over a hundred of our Performance Management Essentials workshop participants, and here are the areas they struggled with in regards to having difficult / crucial conversations:


1️⃣ Not having confidence in being able to do it ‘right’ within HR limitations,
2️⃣ Not knowing the ‘right’ words, and not wanting to cause offence,
3️⃣ Not having a clear structure for the conversation
4️⃣ Concern over how the other person will respond (meek, bullying, arguing
5️⃣ Not knowing how to adapt to the other persons communication style
6️⃣ Don’t know how to convince people to change behaviour
7️⃣ Needing to discuss poor performance without having them perform worse
8️⃣ Not wanting to make the situation worse (it is sometimes easier to avoid)

Do any of these sound like behaviours or situations that you have experienced at work?
Leaders recognise that they are uncomfortable – but they get past this and have them anyway for the benefit of the team and the individual – because dealing with it later doesn’t make it go away, it just makes the problem bigger.
#leadership#difficultconversations#developingleaders

27Mar

Leaders – Have More Small Conversations To Avoid Difficult Ones

Leaders – don’t less physical isolation be the excuse for putting off a difficult conversation – they will be much harder down the road and take a much greater toll – on you and the person that is ‘drifting’. 
No one likes big, difficult conversations with team members or family. To avoid them, focus on the little conversations – the ones where you know behaviour has moved slightly away from the goal – and correct it quickly. Lots of little conversations – correcting those times when we can all ‘drift’, saves a lot of bigger, more difficult conversations down the road.

No one deals well in a ‘feedback vacuum’ and it can be easy to go off track – unless there are lots of little conversations bringing us all into alignment.
With so many other tasks taking priority right now, don’t forget to have the little conversations – you don’t need bigger, more difficult ones down the road because of inaction now.

05Nov

Small Business Leadership: How To Hire Right This Holiday Season For High Performance

I had the chance last week to sit down with Jenn Donovan from Social Media and Marketing Australia to discuss ‘How to Hire Right’ as we approach this holiday season.

If you are a small business owner and you haven’t heard Jenn’s podcast before – do your self a favour and take a listen as some of her previous podcast episodes. there is some absolute gold there for small business owners seeking to have a greater presence on social media – and Jenn makes social media simple.

To listen to ‘How to Hire Right’ – click on the link!

M